This shall pass

Dulu msa ada Joshua seorang...rasa hidup sebagai seorang ibu adalah perkara yang amat indah saya pernah rasa..

Masa joshua sakit..walaupun sejauh penat pun sya akan saya gigihkan mendukung dan menenangkan joshua..

bagi saya joshua adalah segala-galanya..

then after 1 thn 8 bln kami decide mungkin boleh tambah 1 utk adik kpd joshua.. maka lahirlah jayden.

Permulaan ada 2 orang anak..pada mulanya tidak sesukar mana...orang cakap masih manageable itu stress..

Happy sebab sy dan husband suka buat banding2 tengok perkembangan anak2 yang berbeza but our love to them is the same..we love them so much..

Tapi tidak lama, datang anak ke 3..wlpn langkah berjaga telah diambil kalendar telah dikira tapi kuasa Tuhan siapa sangka..maka lahirlah jathniel di kala jayden baru 1 tahun.

Perkara yg paling memenatkan ada anak dekat2 ni bila kesemuanya jatuh sakit pada masa yang sama.

Joshua on the other side, bila dia sakit tetap nampak sifat keçoolan dia. Tidak fussy. Baby yes i know  memang akan merengek. Tapi bila jayden dan jathniel menangis serentak dan saya kena handle dua2 sendirian di situlah mulut saya tidak berhenti merungut..dan di kala level kesabaran saya paling rendah..situlah sy terfikir..kalau sy tau susah nya banyak anak sy berhenti setakat joshua sajalah...

My husband type jenis yang punya tahap kesabaran yg rendah..telinga dia sangat x kalis dengan bunyi...very low tolerance to noise...so when he stress handling our kids..suaranya akan mulai bergema di satu rumah jerit sama anak2.

I knew he tried his best to be patience..but i do know each of us has different level of patience...

so when this happened..end up anak2 semua mau minta perhatian saya...

last week adalah dateline penerbitan penulisan kami. Dan sy trpaksa bawa kerja buat di rumah. sy ada 6 semuanya. mampu siap 1 saja. itupun hanya ketika semua anak2 saya tidur. masa tu lah sy curi masa buat kerja ofis buat kerja rumah sekali.

sigh.

selalu bila cakap2 dengan mama,..mesti mama saya cakap...sabar saja memang begitulah ada anak2 kecil. berlalu juga tu. Pandai berhenti juga tu.

Kami ada 7 org adik beradik dan 5 kami gap 2 thn saja. Sy x dpt bayangkan kestressan mama sy.

Aduh Tuhan...macam terasa panjang dan jauh betul mau tunggu masa anak2 saya umur 5thn. Sb org cakap by the time mereka umur 5 thn parents akan lebih mudah suda.

Sebab jujur cakap mau lalu 1 hari pun sudah penat ini kan pula mau tunggu sampai 5 tahun..

sigh.

But i want to tell this to myself...

"renny..this shall pass"

Hang in there....

and i hope i can be calm again..

(when i wrote this i miss all my sons...sorry kids...mama is not good..so sorry)

last saturday was my husband birthday. We managed to celebrate together as my parents was at my place before they proceed to my sister's place at Kuantan.

It was nice to have once a while a day out only the two of us.. without wet tissue to think of...diapers to bring..or stroller..just like the good old days...hehehe

anyway...this weekend i was so occupied..that i hardly had time to sit and chat with my families. When i have time,, it must be laundry time or masak time .. when i have time means when my baby sleep thats where i only have time!

And time flies really fast. Suddenly my house is back to empty. No more my parents and no more my siblings. And here i am missing them so badly!

Yesterday as i was ready to pick up my sister at the aiport..i had this little conversation with my parents and my 2nd last younger brother. They were planning to rearrange all the things at my hometown..and they were saying to put double decker at my supposed-to-be-my-room-at-kampung since my niece had using my room as their place.

When I heard this, i get pissed off with my parents. Why of all many rooms at my house at kg they choosed my room. I was like hello how am i going to balik kg with 3 kids and husband who quite fussy about keselesaan? Then I heard myself saying this to my parents..

'macam ni memang tidak balik kg lah saya. saya hanya akan balik kg bila saya ada bilik semula'. actually i meant what i just said for that moment because i was so angry.

But as i calm again..and here i am missing my family so much..i was like...'takkan sebab bilik saja mau merajuk' and the thought crossed my mind 'what if, if suddenly i never have the chance to see my parents again?'

My parents is no longer young. I dont know how much years that i will be with them. How silly i am to have that kind of thoughts.

sigh.

I must be nuts!

I love you mom and dad. Pls be healthy ya...

God bless.

Random,

Me.